Adolescent Sexual Abuse Survivors
by Shannon K. Spellman, M.S.W.
If your adolescent has been sexually abused, chances are the scars will begin to show behaviorally and you may see symptoms that are frustrating, baffling or even frightening. Much depends on the age and length of the abuse, the relationship to the perpetrator as well as to the parent who is sometimes referred to as "the non-protective parent", and the response of the parent(s) and the authorities upon disclosure. It is important to seek appropriate therapy and healing for your adolescent so that he/she can recover from the traumatic experiences of having been sexually abused as well as begin to cope with the contradictions of developing adolescent sexuality issues.
Some of the behavioral symptoms that are common for untreated sexually abused teenagers include smoking, drug and alcohol abuse, sexual acting out, eating disorders, and incorrigibility. In addition you may also see symptoms of depression and anxiety disorders including posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and increased rates of self-injury such as cutting, burning, scarring, etc. They often are more likely to pick at their own skin and can worsen acne, or even cause acne scarring when there wasn't any to begin with. Another behavioral symptom you may see is one called dissociation where they are there physically but just not present mentally or emotionally much of the time.
Even when the sexual abuse occurred years earlier and your teen tells you it doesn't bother her/him anymore, that doesn't mean it's healed. Once a young person begins to develop sexually and hormones begin triggering sexual feelings, adolescents who were sexually abused often become confused without knowing why. The reason for this is because the violation that happened to them came in the form of a sexual violation and as children without the cognitive abilities to make sense of it all, they often unconsciously somehow make it all out to be something about their own bodies. Even if a sexual abuse survivor is told this isn't so or even when the survivor knows that without a doubt, the body memories resonate and cause continuing confusion.
Adolescent sexual abuse survivors typically have sexual issues resulting in either being extremely sexually shut down, carrying a great deal of body shame and preferring to avoid the issue verbally or physically, or they may go to the other extreme and be blatantly sexually acting out with little or no boundaries. Neither of these extremes is healthy. While most parents would rather have a teen who is sexually shut down than one who is acting out, being sexually anorexic is not a normal healthy sexual development. These kids grow up to have extreme problems later on in adult sexual relationships because of their inability to be comfortable with their own sexuality and just being in their own skin. It is not necessary for youth to be having sex to strike a balance with having a healthy sense of body image and being comfortable with their developing sexuality.
Both extremes of sexual behavior can result in a pattern of re-victimization by either never being able to assertively say no and having sex when they don't want to, or by sexualizing most relationships they encounter because that is what they have learned to do. Sexual abuse survivors also can become perpetrators themselves, especially in adolescence as a way of re-claiming power, where they take on the role of an abuser with a younger more vulnerable child. This can be a reactive temporary pattern that with treatment can be interrupted, or it can turn into a full blown adult pedophile where treatment is of no avail.
If you have an adolescent who has been sexually abused, whether recent or long ago, expect that your teen will have greater than average acting out behaviors or emotional struggles. As a parent, your job is to remember that there may be a root cause to all of these symptoms. If the behaviors become too difficult to interrupt with typical consequences or if your teen appears to be struggling emotionally, now is the time to get them into therapy to help them address their sexual abuse issues.
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