February, 2008
by Shannon K. Spellman, M.S.W.
Are you struggling with a teen that has begun to be defiant and disrespectful? Many adolescents act this way for a period of time as part of the typical adolescent life cycle stage. When this behavior begins, your reaction may be a critical factor in determining whether or not the behavior escalates into a more serious condition.
It is suggested that you react as little as possible so that they don't believe they have found a special form of power over you that they'll want to continue. Don't allow it to push your buttons. Instead, calmly suggest that they might want to adjust their attitude in order to avoid consequences and let them know you'll be willing to discuss whatever issue is at hand as soon as they can do so in a mature and respectful manner.
If their response is positive, thank them for it. If not, deliver an appropriate consequence such as loss of a privilege for a day. At the end of the period of consequence, remind them how to retain the privilege.
If the behavior continues, or becomes chronic, it is still important that you not be reactive. You might even want to try a deescalating technique where you tell your adolescent that he/she is probably right. This often will stop the behavior as it robs them of the opportunity to be oppositional which is what they strive for.
©2008. Hiding Star Publishing, LLC. All rights reserved.
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