July, 2007
by Shannon K. Spellman, M.S.W.
This is a great month for thinking about the life-cycle stage of adolescence and the ultimate developmental goals to accomplish. Most teenagers exert their independence early on and may become demanding, obstinate, and overall oppositional. In one sense this is exactly the way it should be and your job as a parent is to set boundaries and follow through with them around the acceptable ways for your teen to express the ongoing quest for freedom.
For example, you may have some automatic "No"s that will be that answer no matter how many times they ask. That's fine. Tell them so and stick to it. Or you might be okay with their whining and disagreeing but not okay with the language they choose to tell you about it. Then tell them that.
Avoid power struggles. The only way to win is not to play. They will be much better at it than you are. Instead, give them choices within reason that allow for some freedom and the opportunity to earn increasing privileges. Kids respond to structure, boundaries, and consequences when you consistently enforce them.
Only in this way can they accomplish the tasks of adolescence that include eventually being independent, and to separate from you and go out on their own as a young adult.
©2007-2008. Hiding Star Publishing, LLC. All rights reserved.
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