July, 2008
by Shannon K. Spellman, M.S.W.
Do you have an angry adolescent? Sometimes this is just part of the stage and other times it can be a sign of trouble ahead. Either way, your response as a parent to your teen's anger is the key to helping your adolescent appropriately work through these feelings in a healthy way.
First, ask yourself how you appear as a role model for appropriate expression of anger and for conflict resolution. Is it possible that your adolescent has taken on a learned behavior? Or could your teen be expressing some of the excess anger in your family that is flying around in the air?
Next, think about exactly how you address your adolescent when he/she is angry. Do you listen and validate the anger? Do you get caught up in the "respect" issue such that you skip how your child is feeling in an effort to demand appropriate behavior? Do you inadvertently de-value your teen's feelings by telling your adolescent to calm down and stop over-reacting? Do you yell back? Do you tell you kid to be quiet and fail to hear what the issue is about?
Adolescents seem to have a knack for developing the muscle between their eyelids and often this is simply a hormonal issue of puberty that resolves itself in time. Yet, anybody who feels angry, typically needs to feel heard in order to be able to begin to allow the intensity of emotion to subside and have their forehead relax.
For a parent, dealing with an angry adolescent is much like dealing with a toddler. You validate the emotion and gently correct the behavior. More than anything, it is important that you use some empathy to help your adolescent know that you understand from a teen's point of view. Otherwise, your teenager will not feel heard and will need to keep the intensity high in an attempt to keep trying to get you to understand. Empathy is not the same as saying you understand. They'll argue that you don't. Instead, you have to convince them you get it the way they see it, even when you disagree with their conclusion.
©2008. Hiding Star Publishing, LLC. All rights reserved.
Did you see we have a forum for parents? We have a contest going on there also. Go check it out. It's free. There's a calendar in there with upcoming events, news, and a bunch of topics that parents are posting about.
Hey, do you have five minutes? Have you seen our movie?
Meanwhile, thanks for caring about adolescents and striving for responsible parenting.
We hope you enjoyed these free monthly parenting tips.
Know What Your Teens Are Doing on The Internet
Parenting Books About Adolescents
Reduce Adolescent Acting Out by Improving Your Marriage
Download Movies for Family Viewing
Visit our Free Tips Archives to find more free parenting tips for parents of adolescents. Try entering your topics below and select search within our website to locate free parenting tips on numerous issues that parents of adolescents face in raising their teenagers.